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:: Saturday, February 23, 2002 ::
i finished a half-ass copy of my outline. and my letter of invitation to smuggle some family members into the country.
mwahhahaa.
some of them are in sweden, don't you feel bad? : )
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 7:03 PM [+] ::
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dan said i'm invited. so - there.
: P
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 6:29 PM [+] ::
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"cuz i'm a million miles away when you get this letter...."
i'm at my dad's doing laundry. and listening to at the drive-in. he forgot i was coming as usual and wasn't here most of the day. eh well it gave me time to write in my book with my purple sharpie (and wow did that get me high). but he got some new couches that are really soft and i kinda want to just take a nap. but what if i never wake up! i have this outline to do but i can't access psycinfo from here so i have to wait til i get home to finish (start!) it.
i am gonna borrow the jeep so i can fit lots of people in it and pretend to be a sorority girl. mwahahah.
i am not sad today yet not as happy as yesterday. i will try to explain after i can put it all into perspective.
i wonder if i will run into s.s. tonight. i haven't really seen him around for quite a while. i miss last year. that was fun. and i got to play video games more. now i am just too preoccupied with my mental state. and homework that i fell behind with while working too much.
work sucks. i am glad it's over.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 6:14 PM [+] ::
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favorite quote of last night -
ian to stephanie: "he was checking out you."
um okeee ian.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 1:47 PM [+] ::
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time to ramble - woweee
i am still kinda loopyy so if i spell stuff wrong dont think i'jm just plain idiotic. my hands just aren't doing what i tell them to do.
i am still wearing my jammy jams. parties are basically over.
# of people to touch my ass tonight: 5.
not my idea of a good time.
but on teh whole i had fun. saw a LOT of people i haven't seen for a bit - mostly while on 29th street. ran into some people i haven't seen all semester even at founders.
ran into dustina nd his girl. she's so cute. a nd he is really sweet. i am glad i got to talk to him. he had me confused for a bit (ian was lost as well) thinking that he was saying my boy in scotland had been talking to girls in scotland. nonsense. ? heh.
but turns out he was meaning something else and no one understood but him somehow. maybe cuz he was feeling hte effects of his screwdrivers.
go dustin.
josh and quiet dave were even tolerating my drunken jabbering. i DID start the night off with redbull/vodka so i can understand how i must have been pretty annoying to those who especially were sober! but i had good intentions and really wanted to reach out to some cool people tonight regardless and i hope i didn't make too much of a fool out of myself. i do get pretty unshy when i am drinking and i forget that a lot of people out there just don't like me even if they appearantly have NO reason to not like me - it is just ilke that. but when i'm drunk i am INVINCIBLE!
speaking of fools - jay needs to get his ass kicked. i am not answering his calls anymore cuz he acted the fool at kareem's party adn kareem was pretty cool.
damn you salizar! [pan out]
shane got into cat mode. been a long time. by the end of hte ngiht there weren't enough girls left at the party and a friend started forgetting he was af riend and thinking that maybe i was his "last chance"
no way.
so we made a run for it.
me terie and shane
out the door
down the back passage way
lots of fun! like we were on a mission from god
i guess tonight was pretty eventful - saw a lot of people and they got their drink on and were al lpretty set early on. but that made the night end a bit earlier than usual. i got home bout 3:30am.
oh and i talked to mike today. he broke up with me AGAIN. then we decided we would talk it out when i came. honestly he doesn't want to give ME up that would be ridiculous. i am too cute.
: )
hmm suuure meggy
that is the hard thing about being in a relationshp that is so natural that it is unestablished really. it was just ...
there...
alles klarr?
and being just there it wasn't really outlined and really probably shouldntl' haev been. it was just there and workingbecause we are both so cool.
it is good like so - i am me and he is he and we should be happy.
go us.
and i am still being faithful.
even in my jammy jams that everyone wanted to tuoch. but i don't blame them. i am touching them right now....mmmm
those of you who KNOW me should be proud of how patient i am at least attempting to be.
and how happy i am in spite of all this chaos.
but - once again - i am invincible!
or maybe just drunk
eh what's the difference
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 3:57 AM [+] ::
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:: Friday, February 22, 2002 ::
also did i mention tomorrow we will be going to a jammy-jam? haha natasha's sorority-type thing is holding a pajama party and somehow everyone we know is going to be there for different reasons. hmm.
jordan hates to see girls in sleepy pants. i wonder how he'll fare...
i just hope i don't fall asleep when i get there, my jammy-jams are soo comfy.
but hey if you are reading this and want to come email me and i'll send you info : )
and get ready cuz next friday is shane/shaun/terie's bday party (and barry???) somewhere at troy and it is going to BLOW the orange house out of the water! and we are actually going to have maybe more girls than boys this time!!! so no sausage factory! i wanted to call it lilith fair but i guess we're going with shane-gri-lah. we'll see! mwahahaha!
goodNIGHT!!!
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 5:15 AM [+] ::
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oh yeah did i mention
SHANE is the proud father of a beautiful brown baby boy!
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 4:43 AM [+] ::
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another uneventful evening. haha but fun! shane, jordan and i went to denny's after jordan told me how lame my evening of html editing was. then jordan also told me i was crazy after i told him about one of my latest schemes. what a supportive friend.
: ) but while at denny's i got calls from nate and natasha and ended up going to see some people at a penthouse party at the boneventure.
shane and i dropped the bomb.
the bomb-eventure.
very exciting.
they had a really nice hotel room, two stories, three beds, surround sound stereo. too bad the people who had checked it out were trashy. it was an all out drug n beer party. what are we in the 80s again?
hmm but some cool people were there so we hung out til we noticed one of my friends obsessively scraping residue from the mirror. it was kind of frightening. and definitely unpleasant. i do'nt like to see anyone in that state. especially when they go out of their way to hunt down something that will do that to them.
i'll stick to redbull and vodka.
every time i go to a party downtown it turns out like this. i think it's the altitude of the rooms. maybe. people are just lightheaded and foolish.
but BILL was there. what was BILL doing there? and how does he end up at everything?
better question - how do WE end up at everything?
i wish that were my hotel. the beds were really soft. we were all throwing ourselves at them and actin the fool. the funnest part was when we had a hunt to turn off all the lights and set "the mood." since shane and i were sober, we noticed things like that. and we had some drunk friends on this lightswitch hunt. they were really confuse-ed. and nate got himself stuck behind a column and thought it was fun! hmmm drunk people : )
well i have to go. someone special is on aim and deserves my attention : )
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 4:43 AM [+] ::
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go visit our color council site. well not yet. wait until we actually do something to it. color council was peter's idea. he's the ring leader. or the ring worm. and he wears his USC ring - he is the lord of the rings. one ring to rule them all.
ok ok.
but anyways yeah shane and i are going to make it THE place to be. : )
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 1:31 AM [+] ::
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peter farts in his sleep.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 1:01 AM [+] ::
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:: Thursday, February 21, 2002 ::
today. hot. 85 degrees! woohah. so i sat around, as before mentioned. then i went rollerblading to calmart and got some yummy juice. then around some more, then home to do aerobics while watching vh1 (i finally got a grasp of the channels for this damn cable). then to campus to meet ian. we were going to try to scam some pens out of the engineering fair, but that was mostly over (good thing i got lots last year!) so we went to visit the daycare ladies then he got us mint-oreo chillers at trojan grounds and we sat at the new fountain/pool outside leavey. there were people all over wearing bikinis on the library lawns!
then i came home to take MY NAP but i got a phone call from reggie and then jordan and peter came POUNDING on the door to whisk me away to subway (jordan's new favorite eatery). then we talked about that guy who made me angry earlier this week (and we all agreed he sucked), and went over which lingerie was most appealing to peter. hmmm. yeah.
then i took shane to target and we bought CANDY! mmm. my favorite easter candies are the cadbury creme eggs and mmm mini eggs (purple bag!). i have way too much chocolate lying around the house now. but i exercised a lot today so i deserve it!! hehe
then my aunt called and told me that my grandma is having even bigger financial problems then she let on (and i mean she was asking ME and my twelve year old brother for money, but it's WORSE than that even). so they are supposedly selling her house and moving her somewhere smaller. i loved that house. i wanted to move into it someday with the berry garden and carrots and trees. and the scary attic. that was going to be my house. : ( we'll see!
back on the homefront i am trying to get a parking space within a block of my apartment, and i spot one (no thanks to shane my seeing eye dog!) and turn around and speed towards it. i pull up, put on my blinker, and prepare to back in. and SOMEBODY comes in from behind me and tries to PULL IN FORWARD. " YOU CAN'T PULL IN FORWARD " seinfeld had a whole episode on that. it is common knowledge. i was there and preparing for my PROPER parallel parking. and so i rightfully got out of my car and walked towards hers. she looked pretty surprised. and i said "this is my spot" and she said "I went around the block adn came back" and since i had also gone and come back, but got back first, i didnt' see any relevance. so i just looked at her. and she said "it's ok not a problem" in a shakey voice and drove off. so i won. but i felt like dirt. she had a baby in the back seat and i let my anger get the best of me. i should have said "oh you have a little one, you can have it" but all i thought was "I am NOT parking on hoover" and i took it. i have felt guilty all night since then!
bad meggy.
: (
afterwards, ian took me to eata pita. we had tasters delights mmm with samples of greek appetizers. my favorite was actually the side of olives he ordered though : ) i recommend eata pita, it is on fairfax, the same block as canter's and nova. just north of the two. it is like someone's private patio/garden, with mismatched lamps and lawn furniture, shrubbery, and a fountain in the middle. a little hidden treasure in LA! : )
now - where's the party at?
i guess we're gonna have to make one!
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 11:13 PM [+] ::
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uh oh. i'm listening to the cure again. does that mean i'm TRAGIC!
hehe
i hope not.
the sun is shining. i want to go outside. where is everybody?
damn classes.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 1:17 PM [+] ::
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i am not answering my cell phone this weekend. maybe ever. haha. cuz coffee bean keeps calling. poor nemorio. that's what he gets for belonging to the cheapest corporation of slavedrivers ever.
bah.
i really hate doing that, i wish there were more of me to go around. so i didn't let everyone down all at once. i have been up for a while but sitting here in my bathrobe waiting for the water to be hot again. now i am in my robe with my towelhead. waiting to dry.
wait wait wait.
that's all i am doing lately. and ian and shane are supposedly calling today. i am taking shane to target (pronounced tar jay, with a soft j - very swanky french store... eh hem.) we are RETURNING his movie props, hopefully not spending money. but you know us...
wait wait wait.
i wrote mike a really long email last night. i hope if anything, it at least doesnt' make things worse. i vow to stop writing emails to him until i go visit, unless he replies and i'm roped into it. i think i make things worse mostly, even if it's just because the distance makes communication warbled. and written word just doesn't say the same thing as a nice hug.
i feel like now is the time to fix all the relationships i've messed up thus far through my college career.
but i am NOT calling laura. the bitch.
so if you are out there reading this, expect an email cuz i am going to be going crazy writing them while procrastinating my adv child psych outline that is due monday!
woop
meanwhile i think i'm ok. i feel emotionally sound and i hope i stay this way for a long long time.
i bet you do too : )
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 11:53 AM [+] ::
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:: Wednesday, February 20, 2002 ::
today was a lot of fun in a way. but i was not very productive. well at least academically.
first i kept waking up because of those vitamins (note my earlier post times). then i finally woke up at 10, somehow waking up for everything this morning accept my alarms at 9, which meant i was late for class. so i was going to get up to study but my eyes wouldn't stay open. so i went back to sleep, set the alarms for 11 (yes i have TWO alarms, neither work for me). at 12:30 i wake up and realize jeff had called and messaged me for our lunch meeting at noon. oops. late again. so i threw on some clothes and went outside and we headed to UV health hut. i had a fruit slushee with honey. mmm. jeff and i used to hang out a lot at one point. i still even talk to his friends from huntington beach a lot. but he has been pretty busy with track and school and his frat and his girlfriend. so it is nice to see him when he has a chance : ) he always makes me smile.
then i went to a very unnecessary meeting with my advisor. yes i'm walking. yes i have another semester. i didnt' tell her i dropped ANOTHER class mwahahaha. she thinks i am responsible somehow. then i was on the way home to study for the only class i would even get to today (my beatles midterm) and i find out shane is at carl's. so i go there and we shoot the breeze. and breeze because it was sooo cold i couldn't bring myself to get my books out to study. then i went home. and gabyd called. concerned friend. i think he just wanted some gossip/drama. anyhow i finally start my studying and realize i should be walking to campus.
then came the test.
we'll find out about that next week. unless i did poorly, in which case i will never bring that up again : )
so after class i came home and took - yep you guessed it - a nap.
then jordan called - time to go shopping! he dropped off my uniform at the bev center coffee bean cuz i wanted them to realize i really meant i was quitting. tomorrow is my 2 weeks. and they have me scheduled still. the guy who took it thought it was for me or something and said that i would be in tomorrow at 4 to get it. yeah right.
believe me i feel bad.
but i shouldn't.
then i made jordan help me pick out bras at vickie's. and he hated every minute of it. my friend teresa was working, and she was helpful. but she kept TOUCHING me in places i don't usually allow. i guess it was ok cuz she had some cool measuring tape and seemed all professional.
i also got some cute undies. and if i had a digital camera you could bet i'd have them all laid out on the table with my flowers for another picture cuz i'm lame like that.
jordan got some discount swimming trunks and then he was ready to eat. so we went to my old coffee bean and laughed at karla and found out what bar anna works at. just to keep up with old friends. anna will be bringing board games in on monday nights i think she said if i ever wanted to come in and just play. fun! then i took jordan to swingers and i had some yummy chicken veg soup. i recommend it mmm. i think somebody died near the entrance at some point. lots of paramedics. i didn't really get a look cuz i didn't have my contacts in.
also i may still have a boyfriend kinda. long story. but i just want all you lovely men to know i'm not really that available right now. either way my heart is still in that so tough cookies.
shot down! haha ok i'm full of it right now eh.
fo sho.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 10:45 PM [+] ::
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this is a transfer from my other blogsite.
pretty mix of a pretty song. mmmm. makes me feel better. hope you'll feel better too....
you'll be given love
you'll be taken care of
you'll be given love
you have to trust it
maybe not from the sources
you have poured yours
maybe not from the directions
you are staring at
twist your head around
it's all around you
all is full of love
all around you
you just ain't receiving
your phone is off the hook
your doors are shut
-bjork-all is full of love-
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 10:17 AM [+] ::
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still sick from those vitamins.
i am missing my first class.
and this truck is outside my window running into trees and making a ruckuss.
and there goes the street cleaner.
good thing i'm already awake.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 10:12 AM [+] ::
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too bad i'm still DEAD tired. the sun is coming up all nice and i have lots to do. i almost want to stay awake. why did i wake up this early? to show myself that i should every morning maybe?
no. because i had those damn bad vitamins.
grrr.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 6:56 AM [+] ::
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go back to sleep meggy.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 6:55 AM [+] ::
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note to self: don't eat expired vitamins. ever again.
especially with other expired vitamins and pills.
thank you.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 3:13 AM [+] ::
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don't make me angry, you won't like me when i'm angry!
if anyone gets this, it should be shane/shaun. for i am THE PURPLE HULK GRRRR!
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 2:37 AM [+] ::
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i have some really really funny mp3s that i don't know WHY i have cuz i dont' have ANY room on my harddrive as it is. and when i want to delete them i always listen to them first and say "i can't throw THIS away!"
..:example:..
toooo catchy. it cheers me up - i can't help but smile. mwahhahaa.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 2:35 AM [+] ::
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i really love my friends.
all of you!
MWA i kiss you!
and this is where i take the time to mention jordan, my beloved steed. fabulous secrets were revealed to me the day i held aloft my sword and said "for the honor of grayskull - i am SHE RA! (she ra! she ra!)
woops
jordan is my friend. THE FUNNIEST GUY I KNOW. HE knows funny. and he ALSO knows GOOD MUSIC. and of course, that means that I DON'T know either. and neither do any of you so dont even attempt to battle against his expertise!
i should be studying right now. but i'm not.
so shoot me. but i have eaten waaay too much chocolate today to get anything important done.
i wish i had taken german V (well, the equivelent here) cuz i feel like i'm losing it.
my german that is.
and my marbles.
i have another blog site. wouldn't YOU like to know where that is. hehe well
I'M NOT TELLING.
i like secrets, remember? : ) i will tell you that the address comes from words from another great song. but there are lots. so that isn't much help.
and dont' worry rachey, no suicide. i am a big girl now and i have perfected the art of subtley punishing myself so as to avoid torturing others. i think suicide, although it seems like the only option for some, is really a selfish thing if you are looking at it from the outside. sometimes people get to the point where they can't see from any side but their own and that is the part that sucks them in but once you realize that you could never do that to the people you care about, you find other ways to symbolically end your life and begin a new one. one that may make you happy. and my subsequent lives have each gone on longer than the first, as i find out more about myself and my strengths and weaknesses. maybe someday we will all find our utopian life, but i know i wont find mine until i try a few others on for size.
so this is the new and improved meggy - take 21! watch out world, here i come!
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 2:31 AM [+] ::
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:: Monday, February 18, 2002 ::
i have a feeling i am not going to have anything good or positive to say in a while. i'm sorry to disappoint all the lovely readers of my blog!! alas, once i pick my heart up off the ground and figure out how to secure it in PROPERLY this time i will maybe leave my house and have something worthwhile to say to the world.
take care - megan signing out.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 2:31 AM [+] ::
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well it's over. here i am back where i started. but i'm the mothalove. i was born to love the whole world, not just one man! how silly of me. well at least i got myself a sweet valentine's gift out of the whole thing. some people dont' even get that.
maybe in my next life i will be born into some oblivious peasant girl who falls in love with a stable boy and we can share our oblivious nights together in peace and harmony. i think that is what i really need, i am far too insecure to be loved now.
damn this life.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 2:10 AM [+] ::
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lots of bad thoughts are in my head right now. like "what is the point of being so romantic and devoted to romance if i don't stand a chance with anyone i ever fall in love with?" and "what is the point of having a boyfriend who willingly moved overseas and doesn't even want a relationship."
bad thoughts.
i could change "boyfriend" to "friend" and be just as distraught. i really care abouta lot of people and i feel like somehow i will die a lonely old woman, falling out of my rocking chair one afternoon, not to be found for two weeks until the stench reaches the mailbox outside, full of ads and bills and no cards, and the postman makes inquiries.
once i had a sweet romance and someone who really cared about me. eventually he realized he didn't have to stay by my side to keep me there. but he didn't foresee that i will go into self-destruct-mode if i feel insecure. just like right now. and he left me and eventually regreted it. and we knew it would be regreted by both of us. but we were both disheartened afterwards and never let each other back in. it would have saved us both a lot of heartache if we had stayed together. but heartache builds character. and i would have been to content where i was to grow or move on. but why would that matter if i was content?
i am getting dizzy.
why can't i just have someone i want to be with - who knows they want to be with me - just like my good friends and i. you do'nt wake up in the morning saying "i wonder if my best friend still wants to be my friend today." once in a while something may come up but more often than not they are there. and expect you to be there.
something consistent. do i not deserve that? will i EVER deserve that?
to have the sweetest boyfriend ever, one that i have always been waiting for, comes in a package complete with hesitation, uneasiness and discomfort. his discomfort with me. his hesitation to give in to me, to open up.
perhaps it's just me. perhaps i did something to UNdeserve his feelings. it's easier to think that than to believe i am just UNloveable. maybe i will just take a lot of painkillers and put myself out of this misery i have created.
or maybe i will just drop ando's class.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 1:35 AM [+] ::
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:: Sunday, February 17, 2002 ::
i am SO MAD. probably not helped by my raging hormones as of late but i am still upset by this latest episode.
the worst part is this asshole doesn't even know how upset i am or care because he is an asshole.
does that make sense? i usually get along with most everyone i meet and i really wished i could get along with him because this will make other things a lot more complicated and uncomfortable. even when my boyfriend finally comes back from scotland i most likely won't want to hang out w/ him much cuz he'll be with his fucking asshole friend who is sooo phoney and useless. and that is probably just want the jerk wants cuz h'es a selfish piece of shit and i hope he's happy with whatever fucked up mess he makes of everyone's lives.
NOBODY treats me like shit and gets away with it...
grrr
...............INHALE........................EXHALE........................
ok i feel better. thank god im safe up here.
i just wish i weren't up here alone.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 11:02 PM [+] ::
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shane came over today and took some pics of my flowers from mike and me washing dishes. exciting.
i also got a few of him with his new girl.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 7:15 PM [+] ::
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ARGhhhhhhH THE PAIN THE AGONY
sometimes i hate being a woman. if i were you i definitely would definitely make it a point to avoid me today. slightly irritable if you know what i mean.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 5:04 PM [+] ::
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