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:: Saturday, May 11, 2002 ::
back to the ceremonies... after my satellite my family really stressed me out. so my dad freaked out at me and ended up wanting to leave, w/ his girlfriend. and my mom, grandma, nephew, sister, aunt and i went to lunch in the area. that was actually ok, not so bad at all. we got a lot of pictures today and i got a rose from mom and a flower from elijah (that he found on the ground, it may have come from another bouquet), and a huuuuge bouquet from my dad. my room is like a florist now!!! i love flowers so much. but i'm glad i dont get them often cuz when i do it is THAT much better : )
after lunch, everyone went back to my dad's, and my aunt and grandma left town. my sister and i went to jordan's, where i proceeded to experience the most excrutiating menstrual cramps ever. i eventually passed out from exhaustion, a mixture of the pain and getting up so early. my sister had already fallen asleep. throughout the day i had taken 8 acetomenophens, because i ran out of ibuprofen and didn't notice until TODAY when i really needed them. those acetom. do NOT work at all. later ian had to give me two advils which kicked in within an hour. so i felt ok for the rest of the night. but that wasn't until 11pm!!!
after our naps, me, roxanna, and jordan (he had also napped while we had) met up w/ ian and we went to eat-a-pita. mmmm good stuff. and roxanna could get a good vegetarian option there. i am sure i've mentioned the place before, it is near canter's on fairfax, and entirely outside like someone's backyard patio. lawn furniture and all! plus heat lamps hehe. i love that place.
we went back to founders w/ ian and had margeritas. i was in a lot of pain still. i yelled at everyone and i felt really nauseous. in a week i will be getting examined again in radiology so hopefully they will come to some conclusion about me. and give me a prescription of some sort... anyhow at ian's we picked up gabe, then went to the part at the uv right next to starbucks. it was a beer and dj art/cinema party in a theater annex i guess.... jordan didn't come unfortunately, and i won't see him until june 10 when he moves into our summer house!!! : ( but there were so many people there i had wanted to see. it was fun and my sister got to meet a lot of people and they got to think she was me. very amusing. my friend has a cute brother that i tried to set my sister up w/ but she keeps saying she has a boyfriend. hehe ok minor details.
i am really gonna miss a lot of these people. most will be around. i will even see some tomorrow night and during the rest of summer at parties and gatherings. a few more friends are living at park la brea. big red lives in los feliz. i am not too worried. but things will not be this much fun next year unless i really try to meet people. especially after december when i REALLY graduate, along with most of my slacker friends : ) i enjoyed the party. phu and lore and louis even came, and before they left we were invited to a purse party at their house in venice (like a tupperware party with gucci and prada). roxanna and i didn't get home til just about 4am. and my mom was up and drunk. and i was not amused. drunk people amuse me. she is an exception.
shelton called me cuz he's in town and wants to meet up. i am thinking tomorrow (technically today) i am taking my mom and sister and nephew to santa monica and then meeting my friend and his brother for dinner and then later going to the parties with shelton. one last go for good times sake : ) shelton and i were together a lot last year, i miss him. he was a great guy, and usually pretty 'consistent'. : ) ok enough for now goooodnight!
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 4:31 AM [+] ::
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:: Friday, May 10, 2002 ::
today was a loooong day. i woke up before 7am, on jordan's couch. i took a long shower cuz i didn't want to get out til i was convinced that i was awake. i wore a skirt, tanktop and sandals under my gown.
then i called mike. the funny thing is - as usual - he was on the OTHER LINE trying to call me, with his card. we do this far more often than is usual. for two people thousands of miles away, we are still pretty well connected. anyhow, that was nice cuz he got me all pepped up for the ceremonies. and he told me why the pics aren't up yet and promised to work on that... we'll see!
so jordan was yelping for me to hurry up and his dad arrived and we were all running a little late (by our schedule, but we actually had plenty of time to shoot the shit when we got to the ceremonies), so i got off the phone with a smile, and we were off like lightning. jordan's dad is even more in-your-face than jordan, and was making really amusing comments. i think i like that guy. i ran into thomas right outside but i was too tired to meet his parents so i kinda avoided him, i'll have to apologize for that tonight at the party. i saw my future-roommate jake running towards troy FROM campus. without his gown on, wearing a backpack . i was like "HEY YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!!" and he flashed me a bashful smile and shrugged, and continued running. that guy is crazy in a neat way.
ok ceremonies = boring. sitting sitting sitting. jordan sat w/ us psych people, and i saw adrian and jake (who i assume made it on time), abe and his brother, paul the lawyer-type-guy/helen's ex, victor who gives me tickets and posters, everybody-knows-bill (also sitting w/ me in the wrong department), fuckin' jorge, weed phil, and mark carpenter! all in one place mind you. plus a bunch of other cool people but i'm tired of typing. our speaker (david halberstam) was not too boring, actually pretty cool i guess. he is a journalist and made a lot of sense. i still wish cosby were OUR keynote speaker, but we were a few years too late.
stanley was the valedictorian and i think he did a great job. cuz i stayed awake. for a genius, he's a pretty personable guy : ) hehe. i've met him through a few people on different occassions, but i never realized how 'accomplished' he was. kinda neat that he is so down to earth, while having a 4.0 and being so involved in activities. go stanley!
there was a mad shuffle from the main ceremony to my satellite in the center of the track. i kept running into people, and trying to help jordan find his mom, who was already at the satellite ceremony. i ran into kyle and terie outside the gates and we all got lots of pics. that was the real theme of the day - group photos. too bad we didn't find a lot of our other friends. i didn't try too hard though cuz my family was not into meeting people. more like they were not into walking around.
my satellite was ok, there wasn't a lot of seating but everyone got seats once the first half of graduates left after their names were called. to be continued....
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 6:50 PM [+] ::
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well i meant to go to bed early. but i came to jordan's, and we ended up listening to mp3s and then going to shane's apartment for 'the last drink'. then jordan played dealer and me, terie, shaun, shane and amanda played black jack. i learned a lot.
jordan looks handsome.
he made me say that.
then amanda screamed in the courtyard and we all did a lot of running around. then i remembered how tired i was. so now i'm here again. : )
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 1:20 AM [+] ::
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:: Thursday, May 09, 2002 ::
disneyland!!! today i went w/ my mom, sister, and nephew. we had a ball (or at least i did, and so did my nephew). but i was exhausted by 7pm!!! i am not used to carrying a big kid around so much, and it was pretty hot. i think my trip to tom sawyer's island did me in, cuz i was up and down on every 'mountain', not to mention all the rides. my favorite was when roxanna and i went on the matterhorn. it was like we were little kids again, screaming and yelling, and she kept bonking me in the face w/ her big head. i dont know why that was my favorite part. hehe. we went on autopia twice cuz my nephew loved to race me. : )
she did mention she HATED the teacups, and hated that i always took her on them. i didn't realize she hated them. so we didn't go on those today. reality bites hehe. but it was still fun, and i have myself a really cool annual pass. now they are for both parks, so i will be checking out the california adventure soon enough. just for the hell of it. oh and splash mountain and rocky mountain and small world were closed!!!! so sad too bad.
my neck and shoulders and face are sunburned. and i really did put lotion on to protect those exact places. at least i'm not pastey white anymore. : )
i am soo tired but my aunt and grandma came over tonight. i really wanted to go to sleep. they spent all day at the library looking up stuff on my uncle's family, from westwood. i have to get out of here. they all went to dinner, my dad and everyone, and left me here w/ my nephew by my request. he had fallen asleep in the car, and then my sister put him on the couch. so just a moment ago i took him upstairs to bed, and he is soo cuddly and cute. it's a really nice feeling to have someone feel that safe with you. i love kids. i really dont think i'm very close to having any of my own right now though, i'm far too preoccupied. and i have a lot to work out with myself before i can move on to something like that.
i am going to usc tonight to stay with ian or jordan or somebody. depending on whoever has most bathroom access for me manana. cuz i'm gonna need to SHAVE MY LEGS again hehe. yeah you needed to know that.
i got two calls on my voice mail today, plus an email, from someone special. but i was busy in disney so i didn't get to talk to him : ( so i will blog more about that later cuz it's a kinda touchy subject right now. i am still kinda frustrated that he isn't putting up our pics from my trip to see him, but he's put up pics from his latest escapades... i really wanted these pics. and i'm sure he has his reasons, but i have a feeling they won't be up until he comes back next month. very frustrating. and i am trying not to be paranoid cuz i think i know why he hasn't put them up and that makes sense, but there are other reasons floating into my head so... i really need to stop analyzing this. argh. WHY did he really call me!!?? i mean he's been saying he would for a while. i can not get it straight into my head what is going on here. i guess it is more complicated than it should be, and even more than it seems. for better or worse, i think i will have some conclusions next month.
i had a huge bouquet of PURPLE flowers when i got back today. from SARAH BEARA back in washington! she sure knows how to love me the right way : ) ooh fancy schmancy, thank you sarah! hopefully i can get a pic up for that later. as well as my disney pics : ) i just need a new battery for the camera.... but i also got some graduation cash to hold me over for a while, so that will help me get the new battery wink wink! my grandma and aunt also brought me a beautiful orchid in a pot for my new house : ) we'll see if i can keep it alive, i've never had one!
anyways, tomorrow is a big day. so i gotta get relaxed and just wait for these family people of mine to get back so i can go back to usc and get some sleep. : )
p.s. i love strawberries
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 10:46 PM [+] ::
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i went to lunch w/ shane today, upstairs commons. then i helped jake move his stuff into my dad's garage cuz he needed to store it til our summer housing opened up.
hmm i need to remember things. like how i have my blog URL linked to my aim profile.... very handy info, and not something for me to be forgetting.
so the guy who may or may not.... blahblahblah has READ my blog. hopefully just the last post, but that one was regarding him. so he knows why i call him that now. hehe not so smoothy, meggy. okee... and i actually lost that # of his so i am not gonna be calling him. he didn't re-send it to me. yet. and most likely won't, cuz he'll think i am infatuated with him or something and think i want to hook it up. not that i am opposed to hooking it up, cuz he is hot. but that is not what i was really thinking. i really dont want any relationships right now, all the guys i've been with lately are sooo confusing. i would just hemhorage if i became involved with anyone else or even THOUGHT ABOUT IT, i'm sure. oh well i have enough #s and don't call most of them, but it was a nice gesture. he seemed chill and into good music and so on. and he reminded me of the beach. i love the beach. hehe. i wish more people reminded me of happy things like that.
eh that was all kinda strange how it happened anyways. goes to reaffirm my point that real names should not be used in posts regarding scandalous affairs, cuz who knows who is reading them. well at least he knows i'm lame and probably won't be talking to me anymore. anyone who reads this knows that, and i dont know why they still read. honestly. well i only had thirteen unique viewers for wednesday all day, so sad. so maybe you all realize how lame i am. or maybe i should start telling people about it. or maybe not. i probably don't want more people reading this. it's just for close friends mostly, far away. HI THERE! : )
i know i'm not that lame. i actually should try harder to not have a life cuz then i would get more work done. like i did last summer when i had my own little studio apartment, oh it was so sweet. i got up, went to job 1, came back, rollerbladed and did some exercises, went to job 2, came home and played a little n64, went to sleep. sometimes i would eat something hehe. but i didn't do much other than work and spend time w/ myself and my music. i was pretty focused. this summer i will try not to be that focused. cuz if i am too focused i always swing back and become a big slacker for a bit and then back to focused. i need to find the balance. and time to party.
my mom and sister and nephew are here, and we are going to disneyland tomorrow. i took them to dinner at CPK cuz i figured that place was kid friendly (my nephew is three next month). i spent the whole evening playing with him, and in between games i answered phone calls regarding parties. i dont get to party, not until friday (when i told rick i'd show up at remy and paris' end of year technotribe party!). i may party a little friday night, if i can get ahold of stephanie, cuz her graduation party will be downtown - a karaoke party. i kinda wanted to go to that. but the point is - DON'T CALL ME EXPECTING TO TALK ABOUT GOING TO A PARTY! until at least friday night
: )
my ex is still promising to call me. funny, he's been saying that for a few weeks now. and now i dont even have the same # that he usually reaches me on, cuz i'm at my dad's. but oh well. he'll be back next month so i won't sweat it til then i guess. it's just kinda annoying that he keeps promising. i told him not to worry about it, cuz i really dont want to think he'll call. every time he says it, i am like this puppy dog waiting next to the phone for the next three days. and i spend more time online when i am at the phone (and he is the first SN on my aim list!). and every time the phone rings and the machine gets it before i do... and then the person hangs up... i think it was him and he just got too nervous to leave a message. or just didn't want to deal with it, or know what to say. but i shouldn't believe that cuz it may not be him at all and maybe he really just doesn't want to call. i can't stop thinking about it.
bad bad....and then when i finally give up on him, thinking he is just not even interested in being my friend anymore, he emails promising again. i know he wants to be friends but just can't bring himself to email much or call, because he is scared feelings will arise again. back when he really did still care, and it was obvious, he even did this where he'd work up to call and then fall asleep or something. like he wanted to wait til it was a good time then the moment would kinda pass... he really tries too hard. i think deep down, i dont want him to call. i am scared to death of it, cuz of all the effort it is taking him. i dont want to tell him that though, cuz i really want to hear his voice again and all. that is a nice thought. but im afraid i will say something that he will misinterpret or vice versa and we will end up hating each other. cuz we are not so good at phone convos. we are really one-on-one people and much better at talking face to face.
god i miss him. it's not like a sad lonely feeling anymore even. it's just like a hollow, permanent. like i'm an old tree, with a big hole in the side of me. and i didn't realize it was there, til a sweet little bird came and nexted in my trunk, and made a home out of me. then left for the winter. now it's winter and now i realize that the hole was there all along. and birds will come and go but no one will stay cuz this tree isn't made for keeping them warm for the winter.
i can sure pull analogies out of my arse. i need to stop with that. maybe someday i'll tell you the one about the runaway train that i told shaun about. it is like a story and i dont realize i am telling these things til the story has run it's course...
on a good note, i have accumulated 65 bucks from grad money thus far. from two people. neither were my parents. i will be lucky if my mom even pays me back for her plane ticket, or alex's unused one, and the disney tickets were mother's day presents for her and roxanna. from me, so i dont need to be paid for that. but the plane ticket is different. i thought parents paid to see their kids graduate, or at least paid for part of their kids' educations.... ok enough about my mom, she is really depressing me. she look so bad, and is not taking care of herself at all. crumbling apart kinda. and she was so excited to be here. she brought all these clothes i had no idea she even owned. and did her hair up w/ special conditioner before she came. and i am trying to be nice, really i am. but she is so oblivious, and i'm tired of always having to be the adult.
speaking of tired i gotta get to sleep cuz i will be tired tomorrow when i get up at 7am (!!!) if i dont. ..... sweet dreams, everybody.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 12:56 AM [+] ::
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:: Wednesday, May 08, 2002 ::
wow today was exhausting.
right now i'm watching the allan iverson interview - RIDICULOUS. 'it's not about the game, it's about PRACTICE. its about PRACTICE... it's not about the game....it's about....' ok you get the picture.
ceci let me leave work a bit early today, then i went to jordan's (cuz i dont have an apartment). ebeth got a hold of me and she and i went to punch n pie and then to see her new apartment. she has her own one bedroom right in park la brea! it's really nice there, a private gated community, and there is a nice lawn behind her apartment. i can't WAIT for the popcorn and dvds housewarming party!
none of my friends wanted to go out with me tonight. well i thought these were people i could count on to party with, cuz i won't be going out again til saturday, or maybe even next weekend. but i did manage to get a hold of a few people. many of them said we were hanging out then just bailed last minute. so i went around w/ jordan then by myself. i tried to meet rob at dave's, but he wasn't there yet. then something happened that i will explain in a moment. so i met up w/ abe and derek's crew at providence. but they were in a hurry to leave so i left a little later w/ jessica and her girl friends. we went to a party on the corner of 29 and ellendale which was pretty huge, and i met up w/ jeff and dan there, which is always fun. and then reggie and nate and those guys left to another party and i followed w/danbaz. everything was kinda bust and i was just feeling lonely overall.
i got the digits from the guy who may or may not speak english and may or may not own a shirt (but appearantly does now) and defnitely has a skateboard. ok so that is not his name anymore. but i am not telling you what his name is. and i am not giving you the digits. : ) haha no it's just a friendly thing, and i'ts all kinda by accident somehow.
but he IS a cancer so that's a plus.
i ran into peggy tonight. i dont like to use names when referring to people i dislike. but she is an exception. (and a'ndrea can figure who i am talking about this way). i used to like her, a lot. she was my pal. but she screwed me. she is one example of the usc girls who i tried to trust but ended up using that trust against me.
i saw her at dave's tonight, and i really wanted to be there, but she made me so uncomfortable. not to mention jed said that his first conversation ever w/ peggy revolved around ME. grrreat.... i wonder what she was up to then...
we used to chill a lot, and go out. but she is the type that would treat me like shit when other people were around. like be condescending and negative towards me, and just generally mock me. but only when she could do it in front of other people, to make herself feel better. so when no one was around it was cool and we'd talk. she would hang out w/ my friend/exroommate and i, about the time my friend had just broken up w/ her long term boy toy. but peggy would always dis this guy, and tell me how lowly she thought him. then, desperate for attention, she throws herself at him! it was ridiculous, and it seemed to really hurt my friend at that time. so i was upset, how could she disregard someone she seemed to be friends with, and just jump on this guy while the heartache hadn't even started to heal. i didnt trust her at all, and i probably never will. she dropped my friend and i both to get attention from this guy (and this guy is cool i like him, so i'm not trying to put it on him - SHE did the pursuing). and then she told the guy that he was not allowed to talk to me! ridiculous girl.
i have a lot of issues with trust. a lot of interesting versions of 'the truth' are going around right now. but it is getting so out of hand that i just want to drop everything and everyone. i dont trust anyone. no one at all. i feel like everyone has the capacity of repeating anything i say to them to anyone else. it's expected. but what worries me are there intentions. i feel like i'm going crazy, honestly losing it. i feel so out of control of my own life, that i don't think i am myself. i just need to stop relating to anyone on a personal level and just cut all my ties and lose the drama and not have anyone around who knows the real me. i feel completely misunderstood and therefore lonely and isolated. not good not good.
what doesn't make sense to me is that i am obviously not worthy of living right now, i am always in the middle of some sort of mess and people tell me that suicide is not an option. why not? everything i've given myself to look forward to is systematically destroyed. and then i am so distraught i am destroying everything else, to make it easier to just let go. i mean do i deserve to have friends that i really care about and that try to help me??? does the world need something like me going around and vandalizing life like so? i think not.
i want to go to sleep BUT i am at jordan's and his roommate is asleep on my couch, so i was waiting. i guess i get the chair tonight grrr. i'm NOT sleepin in this guy's bed. guy beds are always kinda naaasty.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 5:02 AM [+] ::
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:: Tuesday, May 07, 2002 ::
i ran a million errands today, and i gotta check out and go to work in a minute.
thanks to jordan, all my stuff is moved now.
and thanks to book-buy-back, i got 37 bucks burnin a hole in my pocket. and it was all stuff i really didn't want, including a book i have been trying to sell back for two years! yay to perseverence, i got $7 for that piece o'.....
bye!
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 1:31 PM [+] ::
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:: Monday, May 06, 2002 ::
today was one of those days that i could barely get myself to crawl out of bed. i finally did so, at 1:30pm.
it started out bleak because my mom called at 11:45am and sounded a bit 'rummy' as usual. she is perpetually drunk to those of you who have not had the good fortune of meeting her. and not drunk like party-social drunk. just straight out-of-commission-slurring-falling-down drunk. not a pretty sight. and i try to be compassionate but her problem causes a lot of problems for me as well, so i usually end up frustrated as hell and upset w/ her.
anyhow, today she called while i was still trying to sleep in, and somehow it came out that my brother was once again NOT coming down for my graduation. this is three days before his scheduled flight which I HAVE PAID FOR, mind you. and i really wanted to see him, and have him there. we were all going to disneyland. it was going to be a special weekend. my sister and nephew are still coming, which is always a blast. but my dad is always upset w/ me when she's here (cuz he can't be upset w/ her or she will never want to come back), and my aunt is bringing my grandma (my aunt is always in my business and re-assuring me that i am a terrible person), and then there is my mom. this is gonna be a sticky wicket. i may have to let someone else's parents adopt me at the ceremonies, and never look back.
ok well it's not that bad.... but there was a reason i went to live w/ the henneck tribe back in washington state. when i am exposed to my mom for too long, i become 'not sane'. simple as that.
but back to alex - he is going to get some sort of perfect attendance award for not having any absences or tardies at school. he is in sixth grade, and to them that is a big deal. i am proud of him. he lives w/ his dad now, but at my mom's he was late or 'sick' half the school year. it's no wonder he was having so many problems with his schoolwork! but now he's got his act together and my mom can't hold him back. but to me that is all the more reason that he could miss three days to come down here for my graduation. if he came with his homework assignments like we'd planned, i would have helped him keep up so when he went back it would all make sense to him and he wouldn't fall behind. but he wants this award. so he is not coming. and my entire family up there is supporting his decision.
really sucky. especially to find out this much short-notice.
so i was pretty much wrecked today. i mean this is alex. this is my boy. and i really wanted him to be here, more than most anybody.
his dad says he will pay for the ticket, as well as the extra $100 to get it changed to a later date (so he can come after school is out). well he better!
not to mention NO ONE has reimbursed me for their plane tickets, and i'm out $800 not to mention the money i have put into deposits for housing. and all my shopping (hey i was having a bad semester, it helped). i mean i know i will come out on top eventually, cuz i have a job for summer. i am even working 7hours tomorrow (well today as my post is after midnight). but i'm hurting. and i was expecting some FAT income tax returns. but my mom says i dont' get any. she cleared up the 'megan owes the government $1400" rumor (there is no way in hell i owe them ANYTHING those biotches). but i was working so hard up until feb, full time, three jobs last summer even. i should have gotten SOMETHING back, they were taking a lot from my checks. so this is weird. and my mom says she'll audit but i know she's damn lazy. i mean i had to work full time throughout the semester because she was too lazy to turn in my financial aid stuff last year. her tax returns and such. i should be glad she turned anything in at all, the way she works. she hasn't paid a dime for my education, and then she had to go mess it up so i was paying for my rent on top of all my loans and pocket money. grrr. i really need to start claiming myself but it helps her out on her taxes to claim me, and every year she promises she is going to get her act together. and every year i'm left hanging and running from the financial aid office to the bank and so on.
why can't anything be simple?
i really need something i can count on, and it's just not there. i sure as hell can't count on myself, i am such a wreck these days. i am really tired cuz i've been moving out of my apartment, to my dad's. my dad is back from iran today, with gifts. and it was nice to see him. but things are always so tense when he's around. i really wish i knew what i wanted to do with my life, so i could move to the place i belong, and just start from scratch. i want a house, a place where i can plant my roots. somewhere i can dream my own dreams, and make them a reality. but i'm so scared i will start my life and it will go out of control like it did last semester. i was stuck in that job and it was consuming me like a plague. i lost my soul. and i'm still trying to find it. and it was just a job. why do i let these things get to me? i guess i needed to submerge myself in something, and i always seem to choose work.
work makes me happy. or at least makes me forget i'm not happy.
i have my dad's jeep for now, cuz i have to move this motherload television out of my apartment tomorrow night. hopefully jordan is not MIA when the time comes. he has already declared he will be 'out of town' come august when we move into our fall housing. oh i'll find him though, he can't turn down a all expenses paid dinner w/ me, even if it means he has to lug all my junk to my tiny little civic. either my junk is growing or my car is shrinking. i'd like to believe both are possible. maybe my car will become small enough that i will never have to worry about parking again. i can just park it on my balcony.
also if any of you actually READ what my friend the typical male has to say, i would just like to let it be known that i am not peeing my PANTS in this picture!!!! (i was wearing SHORTS that night!). if i ever find the room on my harddrive to save the party pics, i may put up a few of my favorites. i know i have some explaining to do....
i really should get to sleep, i'm getting up at 8am to be a productive individual.
if i get to work at 10, cecilia owes me a trip to magic mountain!! and i'm allowed to bring a date. any volunteers???
if i dont get there on time, however, i have to pay for her. let's not sleep in tomorrow, shall we?
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 1:04 AM [+] ::
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:: Sunday, May 05, 2002 ::
jordan and i moved a bunch of crap to my dad's after the bbq at caribbean. then we went to dinner at cafe 50s with his roommate.
i was supposed to go to an annenburg party, but that was broken up at like 11pm! and then there was that track party, and i talked to jeff there for a bit and we made plans to hang out this summer. but it wasn't really my crowd and i wanted to go to hollywood. vera was also having a party (and last time i came home w/ bracelets and rings she made that she'd given out as party favors), but i was just too tired to go over there. : )
i just got back from this party in hollywood w/ kristin and dano. it was so weird, cuz it was way up in the hollywood hills, in the tennis court at someone's house, w/ a SWEET view. and my neighbor was there! and a few people from SC and a bunch of foreigners. james, abe, garrett, martin, etc... you COULD call it a eurotrash party. but it was fun, and they had a few djs. i met this norwegian dude with a minnie and mickey mouse 'love' balloon, and he was wearing a lei. his whole norwegian crew was, they are a filmmaking crew. he was very interesting, and amusing. and he had one friend start singing the gambler by kenny rogers to me. and suddenly like twenty people were singing it. interesting. including some guy from our school, i am not sure what his name is, but he always shows up at places like james' bbqs and experimental music parties that derek invites me to. i wish i could remember his name.
the sad thing is i saw this one girl there. i see her around a lot, i even saw her at dustin's elk party. and she always seemed pretty nice. but she's one of those people w/ a 'reputation'. and now i know why. she was soo fucked up, at one point i saw her leaning against a heat lamp like she didn't now which was way up. and i was heading over to check on her, but some other GUY beat me to it. this happened a few times. she was surrounded by guys all night, mostly cuz she kept pushing her way into them and holding on for dear life. i felt really bad, but i didnt know if i should say anything or help her out, cuz i guess this is normal for her. she was slurring her words, and kissing guy after guy. very very sad. she always looked so hardcore, too, w/ short black hair, and leather. big boots. one of my friends thought he was dating her once, for quite a while, and it turned out he wasn't at all, and he was devasted. that was sophomore year, and at that time she was also 'seeing' a girl friend of mine, which also lead to his frustration. i am sure that was his fault, thinking she meant something by whatever happened between them. but later i found out from my ex that a bunch of his friends were into her at some point. and i was very confused. do guys not realize SHE CAN'T EVEN WALK STRAIGHT, and her 'interest' is just an attempt to focus on some nearby object? how can she live like that? i wonder what is so wrong in her life that she gets to that point whenever she goes out.... : ( and she seems so nice.
i think i am just in adopt a stray cat mode. i get all mushy sometimes.
typing is very difficult right now.
i should go to bed maybe.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 3:12 AM [+] ::
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