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:: Saturday, June 01, 2002 ::
today i got up way too early to meet the landlord and pay him june rent in exchange for our NEW KEYS. : ) i started moving into our new house, and so far it looks like we will have a beer fridge and lawn boys! yeah the guys that used to live there were out on our lawn sitting in the chairs that they left on our porch w/ a futon. it was pretty interesting to come home to lawn boys. ian and i went to drop terie's keys off at the baseball game and decided we would go back later to get these bricks to make a fire pit of sorts : ) then we got quiznos and cruised around picking up random furniture.
so far we have a hexigonal (sp?) tv stand w/ fuzzy doors, a futon frame that needs a little work, and a director's chair.
it was fun picking up random furnitures, and we will be doing more of that as the summer goes on.
now i am picking up stuff from my dad's, waiting for roommate #4 and 5 to come into town. roommate #6 is going to be in jersey til next week or so, and i can't wait til he's back to get this summer really rolling!
our phone was hooked up already by the time we moved in, really fast service! i still need to get the electricity changed over, and hook up the cable (maybe) and definitely a dsl plan, but right now i'm resting before driving back in the blazing sun and traffic to my OWN huge room. to sleep on my OWN little foldable mattress. i need to get ahold of nate to create my kind size love den. not WITH nate but w/ reggie's bed. you know what i mean.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 3:08 PM [+] ::
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:: Friday, May 31, 2002 ::
i'm kinda glad i came home early for this friday night, cuz my dad is not home and i can enjoy some time on the computer, using the foot massager, and watching tv without him pretending i dont exist. last night i got home pretty late (5am?) cuz i'd fallen asleep at scott p's, and he was up watching the soccer game. i said hi, and he acted like he didn't even hear me come in. i sat down to check my emails and eventually he just turned off the tv and went upstairs, leaving me in the dark. i wrote a really depressing email to someone i care about, but luckily saved it and went on to write one that was not so emotional. i am so glad i'm moving out tomorrow, yee haw. and nate is gonna give me two double beds to put together for one huge bed, so i'm pretty stoked.
one of the teachers at work was on vicodin today, not purposely to abuse it, but she was pretty loopy. it was kinda entertaining, she kept saying how 'warm' she felt : ) hahah warm vines wrapped around your body eh? hehe....
i am watching red shoe diaries again - i really should not watch this show, it makes me a little.... hot and bothered hehe.
tonight i met up with GILU who came all the way here from israel to see me!!! yay gilu! and we picked up ian from the LBC and then went to my coffee bean. joanna was there getting off work, and she introduced me to pepe who hooked me up w/ a black mocha blend. which in turn made me sooo hyperactive and insane, really great! the lakers WON tonight, so downtown was pretty insane. i HATE driving through laker traffic, people are acting all drunk and crazy. it is pretty cool to watch when they block off fig with boot-wearing vice squads, but DRIVING in it is not pretty. eventually i dropped gilu off at her skyrise and then took ian to see our skeleton of a house, which now had a complete first floor and ceiling, basically. we used the port-a-potty out front and hung out there for a while, then i took ian to gabe's. he gave me a souvenire from west virginia - another kooky hic t-shirt, who could ask for anything more??? it has a map of the state, and it's pretty damn silly. thanks ian!
ok enough about tonight, my mind is still moving too quickly from the caffeine to really focus on typing, i am doing like four things at once. anyhow, i will get back to this stuff later. : )
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 11:55 PM [+] ::
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there i go again, missing days! i am not home much. even now i am at wph on campus. and it sure is a dungeon. now i know where all the freakin weirdos hang out all summer long, with the florescent lights and a/c. scary scary. i feel like just hanging out here will make me break out.
work on wednesday was pretty cool, cuz i wasn't there too long. and ceci is back this week. finally! after work i tried to go to vickie's at the grove, because they have the coolest in-store manager. she is really helpful, and friendly. i got my favorite body bra in blue, soo smooth and shiny (only $20!), plus five pairs of cute new cotton undies. even a pink pair! yeah i'm out of control.
after that i checked out the coffeebean that just opened at the mall, and quizzed the workers, they seemed reasonably competent. then on to the farmer's market for dinner. mmm i got the gyro plate at moeshes, with a pomegranate spread and an eggplant side also. really pretty good stuff, and not too pricey. i love hanging out there cuz there is such a wide range of different people, from my age to 70! it's just something different than hanging out around campus i guess.
afterwards i went back to my dad's house, and ended up watching corky romano with him and sandy. yeah he was kinda responsive cuz sandy was talking to me so he had to get into that also. but i guess it didn't mean much cuz he hasn't talked to me since. corky was actually quite funny, to me at least. i WAS pretty bored, and it was just plain silly. but i guess i needed that silliness. i tried to go to bed early and i was asleep soon after midnight, but falling asleep was hard cuz i was back to crying a lot for some reason. my hormones really suck.
yesterday, thursday, i went to work for a full day again, and used my break to call mike back. he didn't seem to thrill to talk to me, but he was sleeping so i hope that was the problem. argh. i'm even more confused now, and i guess i only called him cuz i was stressed and feeling lonely and i wanted to hear his voice to make me cheer up. his voice did soothe me somewhat but i was still pretty unclear about whether he wanted to even talk to me. back at work i caught the tail end of a soul-food-fest and i got myself some cornbread and potato (vinegar) salad.
after work, i went to check out this guy's bed and lamp, as he will be moving out of his we-ho apartment and not needing them anymore. i put dibs on the full size bed (cuz it will fit in my fall house), and i bought the lamp for $20, and it's a swanky standing lamp w/ a book light to the side - - and a foot dimming pedal! oooh.
then i headed over to jon's going away party which was basically ALL coffeebean employees, most of whom i'd known from working there. very very nice to see them. ruth was there, and we had joined and quit at the same time so that was funny. she is working at a hairdresser now. it's nice to see people that i used to work with still wanna hang with me even after they aren't working my shift, cuz now i know it wasn't cuz i was a nice superviser. hehe not that i was that nice, i was just efficient hehe. oh well it was all fun while it lasted. nickolette was there w/ her fiance, and i got a lot of phone numbers. sabine was selling earrings and she hooked me up w/ a beautiful silver dangly pair that is pale blue w/ pink roses on it, which she had made all by herself! she has really got talent. she sells them for $30 in stores! i told her i'd wear them and try to find more people who were interested. she is german, and married to this trombonist from macy gray's band, and he was in the spiderman movie (which i have STILL not seen), so hopefully they will be reaping in some moolah from that. : ) i love that lady! we all had a good time dancing, drinking, and eating bbq foods, then i had to be on my way after a few hours to meet some people back at usc.
scott p. and scott s. are now gonna be living together (danbaz (merv) changed their names to buel and jibbar or something), and we hung out there for a while. actually danbaz and i were there til really really early this morning, talking and listening to music, and i fell asleep on this camel chair. we even had a chance to stop by nate's new place on 29th and visit some people's and watch office space (which i'd also never seen!), and all in all it was a good night : )
today i went to work, and had subway for lunch again (veggie d on honey oat!), called in to get my grad pics, our gas set up for tomorrow, etc. i got through all this hold time on the dwp phone call and i was HUNG UP on just as i got to the real operators!! grrr. try again later i guess. i made some byebye baby books and crowns w/ cynthia at work, for two sweet babies who are leaving our program : ( so sad! i will miss them!
and i am gonna go meet gilu now to pick up IAN from the airport. too bad he's coming into the LONG BEACH airport cuz he flies jet blue. the suckah. i guess that's a better airlines though, from what danbaz was telling us. so i won't kill him yet.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 6:45 PM [+] ::
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:: Wednesday, May 29, 2002 ::
i finally got a reply but i am not sure what to think. and i had asked if there was another woman involved now, and there was no answer to that. maybe dave a. was right. argh. i had really hoped he wasn't. maybe i'm being paranoid as usual, but i can't see him calling me anytime soon, even after he's returned. i didn't care to write much back, or to tell him how my life is. i really don't think he'd wanna hear it. after all he doesn't even read my weblog. i hope i am just being paranoid, and things will be ok when he is back. i guess i still believe in him. somehow. i did call him this morning though, and he said that he would call me back either after the pub today or tomorrow. i hope he calls me back today after he gets drunk cuz that is always funny. and he sounds ok.
i went to sleep by midnight last night, and just woke up about 20 min ago. i had some whacky dreams, about people i knew in HS i guess. one was about this kid named danny, and he and i had some sort of strange chemistry in my dream. he had a creole accent though, and he had come from back in time. and in the dream we called him jason, and his mom came with us to dinner once. we watched a greenday concert from a tent in front of the stage (it was all on this grassy hill) and then another band that made us really happy but i can't recall the name. very strange dream. staci was there but it didn't look like her, and i roomed w/ this girl named alex, across the hall from my other friends. i had a nice soft bed : )
i really dont feel well today. kinda sneezy, stuffy, and depressed. i dont have to be at work til 3:30 though, maybe i'll be ok by then.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 11:27 AM [+] ::
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:: Tuesday, May 28, 2002 ::
i worked from 10-2 today, and got a present for 'teacher appreciation week' at the center. $14! i missed part 1 of the present, which was kookoo roos last week. then i went to meet w/ my new therapist. at one point i started fading out, like not paying any attention, cuz stuff started to get overwhelming. i dont know where my mind was but it was not where it was supposed to be. she told me she wants to meet more than once a week. i want this to work, so that could be a good idea. but at the same time i'm beginning to give up on this whole thing cuz i am not seeing any improvements in the near future. i feel shittier than ever today, and i've been crying off and on since like 2pm.
after my appt i went to my old work at the coffee bean on robertson. and i knew THREE of the four people working! yay! steve was there as usual. nickolette was there, inviting me to her wedding-in-vegas-weekend, but i don't think i can afford to go. and jon was there, with an invitation to his thursday house party. i will try to show up at that, even though he's charging $2 AND it's byob. hehe. whatta nerd! they hooked me up with TWO free drinks, and then i was on my way to the bev center. i was going to vickies to get my 'may bra', but they were closed cuz they traded spots with express and had to move in or whatever!!! sucky. but i got three new pairs of earrings so my two un-ringed ears would not close in. and i found a pair of diesel flip flops that i really want, and i will have to go back to try on when i'm not so depressed. while at the mall i got a call from reggie who is interning in texas. i actually called him the other day on accident too, so it's good to keep in contact heh.
then on the way back east, i called the dans and they were watching the game, but i am not allowed to go to dan r's house cuz his roommate is maybe not so level-headed. once again i am left out of their plans. so i headed back to my dad's where i (of course) became more depressed as he proceeds to ignore me.
my 'treatment' appointment for my cyst-thing is not until june 17. sucky arse. so i will just have to wait through this pain. it's so weird that the pain can be so specifically pinpointed sometimes, like i know exactly where it is inside of me. but sometimes it's general and everything hurts in that area. i keep hoping that once this gets treated i will stop being so sensitive, and my body chemistry will be back in order. maybe i got even more sad BECAUSE of the therapy cuz i had to tell her a lot of shit that i would rather not think about. argh.
a weird ass thang happened. my favorite frat boy (he was at one time very close and special to me), called to see if any parties were goin on, and to reserve one of my tool tickets for a friend of his (who is cute and was at one time a fling). so we are supposed to hang out soon.
GILU is coming from israel to visit us this weekend!!!! yay! and ian comes back, and we get our new house. jordan's dad works for pac bell so he's settin up the line. i hope i can get my emotions under wrap by then. i am so worried about this missing reply email that i keep checking my inbox for and i dont know what to do anymore to get my mind off it. i feel like such a shitty person and so selfish and i would do anything to un-do the damage and make things better.
anything.
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 9:44 PM [+] ::
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today i got up by 11:30 cuz i'd already had TWO phone calls. who calls before 2pm these days! anyhow, i did my thang and then hung out waiting for a partner in crime to take to phu's bbq. the friend who i thought was coming decided to go to another bbq with a different friend. i was kinda sad already cuz i am hoping and hoping for this email that may never come (as usual), and by that point i was ready to go back to bed and forget about everything. luckily becky-boo, my friend from coffee bean, decided she'd come w/ her boy jay. he's a cool guy, and i'm glad they found each other.
there was a slip and slide but only louis and i actually dared to use it. and there are pictures that will soon be floating around of the splendid event. we had a lot to drink, and there was sooo much food. hot dogs, sausages, boca, catfish, corn on the cob, and bbq ribs!!! mmmm....
phu made these shots that tasted JUST like chocolate cake. daniel, faust and justin showed up, and we left tarik a message on his cell. he was at a family reunion in some park. his family was whack though cuz they went to bed at 8pm the night before to get up at 2am to scout out the park and hold a good spot! that is really a little too much!
a bunch of the guys from last night's bbq came w/ jecca (eli, vijay, louis, keith, etc), and ariel, peter and john were there. really good to see them, but they left early to go to a bar to watch a burlesque strip show. classy! hehe. eventually i started getting depressed again, and a little cold, so i took off. i met up w/ abe back in the usc area, and we went to the construction site that will soon be my new home.
we climbed the fence, and hung out on the bottom floor of my new house. i got a feel for the sizes of the bedrooms, and the kitchen/frontroom as well. it's getting to feel like a real house! after i told him where everything would be, we went to starbucks and chilled there for a little until they closed. i felt a little better after talking and stuff, and then we hung out at scott p's for a bit and watched one episode of twin peaks. scott's neighbors upstairs were playin their music or tv (sounded like a car race game) sooo loud it sounded like we were in a womb, all sonar-ish. colby and 'dude' (i forgot his name) came by and invited us all downtown to a loft, but it was pretty late and i decided to get back to the house (and my cherry garcia that i got on sale in venice was getting melty in the front of my car). but 'dude' mentioned he had a telescope and maybe i will get to play w/ that someday soon.
despite all the fun and good conversation i had today, i started crying on my car ride home. i thought breakups are supposed to get easier with time, not harder. i have tried everything, even meaningless makeouts with other guys that i find attractive, but nothing can keep my mind off of him. i've given up on hooking up and just tried to focus on friendships and acquaintances, but my mind keeps drifting back to the friendship i had with him. at the end of the day, i just wanna call him and have him tell me everything will be ok, that we will be ok. at least that we will be friends again. i find admiration and appreciation for so many and so much now, but nothing deadens the memories and the hopes and everything seems so pointless and unstable.
when will i wake up from this?
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 1:48 AM [+] ::
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:: Monday, May 27, 2002 ::
sunday - i woke up at 2pm!!!! nice to sleep in. then i went for a walk, one block down, two over, and around and back. i had to get out of this area though, so i went back near campus. why am i so attached? anyhow, i went to the rite aid a few blocks south and picked up some necessities, then met up w/ abe for... dinner. yeah i had missed every other meal by sleeping in so late. we went to this pacific islander place at '7-11 plaza' as i like to call it, and then we both went our separate ways on campus. he was working on his thesis, as he is about to start graduate studies in linguistic computation, and i was checkin the emails at SAL.
afterwards i went to ralphs, and got a bunch more wine coolers on sale, for phu's bbq tomorrow. she will supposedly have a slip and slide, meat, catfish, and cakes. very exciting. it is, however, bring-you-own-drinks.
i made a few calls back home on my cell, and had coffee w/ hazelnut at ghetto starbucks. the guy working register was kinda flirting with me and kept blushing. mwahahaha.
then after 9 i headed over to nooreen's going-away party, at ben's house, to meet abe and garrett. i knew ben kinda through other people, and he was a psych major, and i also knew most of the other people there through other people and parties. so it was pretty comfortable after a bit, sitting around the bon fire talking. we had bbq-burgers and chips and boxed white wine (go franzia! hehe), then played some mille bornes. i haven't played that in quite some time, but i was doing ok in the first round. but round two, i was on a team w/ keith, and we honestly NEVER got a go card. never. we cheated after other people were past the 800 milestone, and traded a card w/ nooreen&louie. things started getting pretty funny after we'd all been drinking and then got out the hookah (strawberry mmm), and some people passed around the bong (which i still do not partake in). danbaz and dan r showed up, and jecca, eli, and vj were there. keith remembered me from the party on thurs night, he's a really neat guy, really interested in other people, and seems pretty sincere. ben got my info, cuz he'll be moving up near the IN-N-OUT and amoeba on sunset w/ tabbi, so i can't just stop by. unless... hehe. a nice place to veg after my cheeseburger!
the new moby is pretty good, and we also listened to dismemberment plan, and some unreleased dave. all in all it was a good night. : )
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 3:54 AM [+] ::
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:: Sunday, May 26, 2002 ::
friday night derek took scott b., dave a., janet, james and i to sushi sasabune on the westside of town. this place was really THE BEST. they brought out the stuff a plate at a time, and the waitresses had aprons that said 'trust me'. they didn't have menus, you just got what the chef was making special that day. and if you didn't get all you wanted by the end, you ordered more. this place is so classy they didn't even serve california rolls or miso soup!!!! hehe. this is what the wrappers for the chopsticks said:
SUSHI
DELICATE SNOWFLAKES REST ON WARM, SWEET RICE BEDS FLAVORS INTERWINED.
TRANSLUSCENT JEWEL - (SLICED) NATURAL PERFECTION - SLIDE INTO MY MOUTH.
TRUST ME!
this was a great experience all together. the waitress was really nice and informed us about all that she placed in front of us. and it did all melt in our mouths. and she had these american-flag-painted nails and i complimented them and she said 'i love america' and giggled. : ) she also told us that sasabune means 'bamboo leaf boat'. very cute.
afterwards, there was a big get together at derek's. i fell asleep after taking a bunch of aleve for my cramps. i went home and slept in the next day until 1pm. niiiiice.
i went to lunch w/ derek and big red dave and dave's mom and stepdad at la barcas, near campus. this girl named billy came to see dave, and she looked SO familiar and i have no idea why. she agreed that she knew me from somewhere, as soon as we were introduced we knew this. weird. wendy, danbaz, dan r, matt friend of dave, and abe were also there, all to see dave and derek off before their 2mos trip across europe. dave's mom is funny when she has ONE SIP of a margerita, cuz she has no stomach and the alcohol goes straight into her bloodstream. she was a 'hoot'! sad to see them go, we all did lots of hugging outside before we went our separate ways.
abe drove danbaz and i to the rose garden, and we hung out on this field of grass next to the collisseum for a while. very relaxing. afterwards we visited nooreen and her boyfriend, and saw the repairs they made on the broken window pane. it sticks out like a sore thumb now! at least they were having fun. then we went to dan r's and drank coffee and listened to mingus and talked about... stuff...
this is where the interesting part begins. we went to a sc student's party in k-town, at the top of a 21 story apartment building. VERY nice view. this was a rooftop pool and clubhouse, and the host had not only gotten together tons of hors d'ouvres (sp?) and chocolate-covered strawberries, but he was serving his own home-made bottled MEAD! it was awfully sweet though, but he'd warned us before hand that this batch was sweeter than usual. and he offered to GIVE me some to give out if i was gonna throw a party!!! we saw a few people there we knew, and met some new people. but we couldn't stay long cuz we had to get to party #2!
this next party was much further west, and i had been there before. it was a party for this comedian friend of mine, who is in his early 30s i think, and it was a house party. most of his friends are also late 20s-early 30s from what i could tell, but we did talk w/ some older fellers. such as the french guy, richard, who was telling us he was black. he wasn't. all in all it was pretty chill and people were making some effort to talk to us. i knew a few people from the previous party. like mike who looks like jon lovitz crossed w/ jason alexander. dan r recognized some lady from the warhol opening and he made a smooth greet but somehow didn't end up with her all over him. hehe. eventually garrett 'the wolf' showed up and things got a little disasterous thanks to my big mouth. there was a HUGE cockroach out back, and it was detained by a plastic cup at one point. eventually, some lady knocked the cup over and a bunch of us screamed and she looked down, and also screamed, and ran into the house. causing us to scream again. then josh squished it, and we all screamed. it was ridiculous, but this thing was HUGE.
when we left, i rode back w/ garrett in his woodpaneled oldsmobile, and we stopped by scott p's. he was just coming back w/ scott s and colby, and they had pints of ben & jerry's!!! no one had cherry garcia so i didn't start begging. scott s fell asleep w/ his eyes open as usual, sitting in the chair, with his arms crossed. i enjoyed talking to them about orgy parties and swedish music and butter and the lost guy from panama who was walking to palm springs and astrology and so on and so forth.
today was not so bad : )
:: meggy spilled the "beans" at 4:56 AM [+] ::
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